Narrative Shifting social posts

Why do I keep quitting plans that work?

I hear some version of that question from a lot of smart, capable people. In my new guide, I describe a woman carrying five of them:

Marriage: Why do we keep having the same argument?

Money: Why am I anxious when I have enough?

Friendships: Why am I always the one making the effort?

Health: Why do I keep quitting plans that work?

Stress: Why does everything feel like it's up to me?

Five problems. Presumably, five solutions. Maybe.

What if one story is running all five? That is where Narrative Shifting starts.

Which of the five sounds most like you? Tell me in the comments.

The guide is free: Narrative Shifting: From Insight to Integration. 40 pages, nine steps.

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What if the thing that made you successful is the thing that keeps you stuck?

The complicated part is that a story causing trouble may also have helped us succeed.

A more useful question is: Where does this story take me? Is that where I want to go?

The story that helped get you here may not be the story that can get you there.

What's one story that got you this far, and might not get you further? Tell me in the comments.

Chapter 1 of my free guide starts here.

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What if you stopped working on problems?

Instead of working on one problem after another, I work with the person ~ on growth.

Think about a garden. You can pull every weed and still not get a very good crop. A weed-free garden isn't necessarily a flourishing garden. For that, you need good soil.

Take care of the soil, and the soil will take care of you.

What weed have you been pulling for years? Tell me in the comments.

Chapter 2 of my free guide is about tending the soil.

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Most of us work on our lives one weed at a time.

But there is another strategy: Commit to psychological growth, and let that growth change how you meet the problems.

That's tending the soil.

Swipe for the six ways I describe it in the guide. Which one would change the most for you? Tell me the number.

From Chapter 2 of my free guide.

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“I know that.”

About ten years ago, I worked with a 36-year-old man who was extraordinarily bright.

I would point out a pattern in what he was doing, and he would say, “I know that.”

And he did know.

Then he would go home and ruminate some more.

Knowing better and living differently are two different things.

Have you ever known exactly what you needed to change, and still not changed it? You don't have to tell me what it is. Just type “I know that” if this one landed.

Chapter 3 of my free guide is about the gap between insight and integration.

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You can know something is true and still live as if it isn't.

You can intellectually reject a story and still organize your life around it.

You can know Other people's happiness is not my responsibility and spend your days trying to keep everybody happy.

You can know My worth isn't determined by my productivity and feel guilty whenever you aren't accomplishing something.

You can know I have enough and arrange your financial life as though disaster is always around the corner.

And you can know My marriage is over while continuing to live psychologically inside it.

Which one do you know, and still live? You don't have to explain. Just the number.

Chapter 3 of my free guide is about that gap.

Get the free guide: https://juliehelmrich.com/guide?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=narrative-shifting&utm_content=p15

Your story usually doesn't feel like a story.

It feels like reality.

Or suppose I developed the story: People eventually disappoint you.

I notice the friend who didn't call. The spouse who forgot. The person who promised something and didn't follow through. Each becomes another piece of evidence: See? I knew it.

What's a story you've collected a lot of evidence for? Tell me in the comments.

Chapter 4 of my free guide is about finding it.

Get the free guide: https://juliehelmrich.com/guide?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=narrative-shifting&utm_content=p18

A small experiment for this week.

First, think of one recurring situation that bothers you. It does not need to be your biggest trauma or your most complicated problem. Choose something that keeps happening.

Swipe for the four questions.

Don't strain to find the answer. Be curious.

Try it, and tell me in the comments what you noticed. Even one word.

From Chapter 4 of my free guide.

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Why do I keep having versions of the same argument with different people?

This is one reason I believe in journaling.

I'm interested in the data.

One experience may tell you very little. Repetitions tell you more.

What keeps repeating for you? Tell me in the comments.

Chapter 4 of my free guide.

Get the free guide: https://juliehelmrich.com/guide?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=narrative-shifting&utm_content=p21

Where are you trying to go?

Before we start changing stories, we need to establish a purpose.

You can be wildly successful professionally and have terrible health. You can be physically fit and have nobody you could call at 2:00 in the morning.

Human flourishing is not about becoming spectacular in one part of life while the rest quietly goes to hell.

Which part of your life is quietly paying for another? Tell me in the comments.

Step 1 of the nine steps in my free guide.

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Two sentences. Don't make them impressive.

My own purpose is quite simple: See and be seen. Listen and be heard. Be the person little kids want to be when they grow up.

Yours does not need to sound like mine. Please do not spend an afternoon trying to write the perfect Purpose Statement. You are looking for a direction, not a sentence that will never need revising.

Swipe, finish the two sentences, and share one in the comments if you're willing.

From Chapter 5 of my free guide.

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You may sincerely say, I value my health. My marriage matters enormously to me. Friendship is important.

I believe you. But in Narrative Shifting, sincerity isn't the test.

Your life is the test.

Where does your life look much like the life you say you want? Those are important data.

Where doesn't it? Those are important data, too.

Pick one area. What does your life say? Tell me in the comments.

Step 2, Truth, is in my free guide.

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Instead of What's wrong with me? or Why can't I get my act together?, try:

What story would make the way I'm living make sense?

Swipe for the three statements. Try them on one area of your life.

Don't fix any of this yet.

For now, tell the truth about what you see.

Which area did you pick? Tell me in the comments.

Step 3, Choose, is in my free guide.

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I do not want you to replace it immediately with a nicer sentence.

Maybe. But do you believe any of those statements? If you don't, nothing has shifted.

You have written a prettier sentence.

Do not make it inspirational. Make it believable.

Have you ever repeated an affirmation you didn't believe? How did it go? Tell me in the comments.

Chapter 7 of my free guide.

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Then we move toward Step Six: NEW. Begin with three words:

The truth is...

We are not looking for an affirmation to repeat until it sounds convincing.

Swipe for three ways to finish it for one familiar story. Then try your own, and share it in the comments if you're willing.

From Chapter 7 of my free guide.

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Could a video camera see your plan?

A plan identifies behavior that someone else could observe. I often use a video camera as the test.

I'm going to value myself more. A camera cannot see that.

I'm going to have better boundaries. It cannot see that either.

But I'm going to Light Lifters on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday at 8:00 describes something a camera could see.

Try it this week. Write down one thing you'll do that a camera could see, and tell me in the comments.

This is Step 7 of the nine steps in my free guide.

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Had a week where you slid right back into the old pattern?

You will probably return to your old narrative sometimes. You have rehearsed it for years, perhaps decades. It has momentum.

When you miss an exit, the GPS does not judge your character. It finds a route from where you are now.

You are not trying to become a person who never falls back into an old story. You are practicing noticing sooner and recalibrating.

Where did you miss an exit this week? No judgment. That's the point.

Step 9, Recalibrate, is in my free guide.

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Victimization and victimology are not the same thing.

Victimization means: Something happened to me that should not have happened.

Victimology begins when what happened becomes the organizing narrative for what happens next.

What happened to you is real.

And what happens next still belongs to you.

Share this with someone who needs both of those sentences today.

Chapter 9 of my free guide.

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Suppose somebody breaks your leg. It really is their fault. You did not imagine it or cause it. You do not need to be grateful for it.

But the person who broke your leg cannot do your physical therapy for you.

Responsibility for what you do next is not blame for what happened to you.

If someone in your life needs to hear this today, share it with them.

Victimization and victimology are not the same thing.

Chapter 9 of my free guide is about that difference.

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When I first met her, she was having a very hard time.

She kept showing up. Week after week. Sometimes she was sad. Sometimes she cried. Sometimes her circumstances had barely changed. Still, she showed up and worked.

She was not trying to become more positive or convince herself that people had not hurt her.

One narrative at a time. One experiment at a time.

Who do you know that kept showing up? Tag them, or tell me in the comments.

Her story is Chapter 9 of my free guide.

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Now you know the steps. You could probably explain them to someone else.

Knowing the formula isn't the work.

Integration happens in your actual life, with your actual spouse, family, bank account, body, work, and friendships. It happens on an ordinary Tuesday when you are tired and the story you thought you had changed shows up again.

Save this. Which step do you skip most often? Tell me the number.

All nine, with exercises, are in my free guide.

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Life will keep happening while you practice. You will get tired, busy, distracted, or hurt. You may have three good weeks and then do exactly what you had planned to stop doing.

The goal is not to become someone who never returns to an old narrative. The goal is to notice sooner, get curious instead of ashamed, and know how to begin again.

What helps you begin again? Tell me in the comments.

Chapter 10 of my free guide.

Get the free guide: https://juliehelmrich.com/guide?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=narrative-shifting&utm_content=p58

I wrote a guide for capable people who keep running into the same wall.

Purpose. Truth. Choose. Old. Experience. New. Plan. Log. Recalibrate.

Narrative Shifting: From Insight to Integration. 40 pages, nine steps, with short exercises you can try the same day. It's free.

If you know someone who would want it, share this with them.

Get the free guide: https://juliehelmrich.com/guide?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=narrative-shifting&utm_content=p60